Death by Appearances

I wish I was ordinary, but I'm not. I wish I was surrounded by a lot more people either more like myself or better or at least more distinct from one another.

Living in Utah Valley doesn't seem to help.

There are a lot of fantastic people here with outstanding intentions who serve selflessly and devote themselves tirelessly to good causes and high ideals. That's admirable. Some people say you won't find better people anywhere on earth.

But there also seems to be a lot of conformity. There's so much concern and worry about image that the soul of the valley has been poisoned. It begins with one of the most prominent valley institutions (BYU) and filters down into family life and social circles. The outer vessel has been so polished that it's nearly worn right through.

If I'm right and many people suppress their individuality in favor of a cookie-cutter image, then it may explain why major groups of my local friends seem so dead. It's certainly related to the record-high levels of antidepressant use and pain killer abuse in our valley.

Harsh words, maybe, but that's how it feels to me. Where's the drive? Where are the unique dreams, the daring adventures, the glorious failures? It's as if they believe that playing board games, watching movies, and going to church entitles them to automatic happiness. It's as if they're satisfied with a little entertainment to pass the time. Maybe they are, but I don't understand that.

Whenever I meet up with my Salt Lake Valley friends, the exchanges are so different. They're more interesting. More unique. People have different goals and unique interests and they seem more alive. They're more expressive and affectionate, less afraid of how anyone perceives them, more willing to speak up when their views differ. It's easier to laugh when I'm around them and I feel much more alive.

Then I ask myself why I live here and despite my substantial list of good friends and things I love about UV, I never quite answer the question to my full satisfaction.

Today I spent the afternoon with friends from out of state. We had *such* a pleasant time talking, sharing ideas and stories about our goals and dreams and adventures and disappointments and everything that it drew the contrast more clearly between what used to be average fare among friends and strangers, and what I usually experience in the local singles scene.

I'm sure it's primarily a matter of getting in touch with the kind of people I'm looking for locally. I know they exist. I have many awesome neighbors who are delightful to talk with. I meet interesting people from time to time and keep as many as I can collect as friends. It just seems too rare. It should be commonplace, the most natural thing, to meet new people who make you want to get to know them better.

Perhaps the people who are more unique are difficult to find because they, too, avoid the homogeny and so groups don't mix as freely. Perhaps the primary singles scene is stagnant while life teems elsewhere.

This post is a pure rant, though I'm not the first to voice such complaints. Call me mean or biased or misunderstanding. I don't care. I won't play the conformity game. I won't change my mind just because it's not nice to say such things in public.

When I first moved here many years ago I felt extremely frustrated and didn't understand why. I was used to people being open, unique, sometimes driven, often adventurous, and a constant pleasure to be around. Here I often felt suffocated, bored, and stagnant. At first I tried to respect these new boundaries but I can't live with them anymore. Now I see what's going on a bit more clearly, but still don't have solutions.