You're Not There Till You Forget You Ever Weren't

Life is most challenging not as a result of challenges with money, love, work, play, health and other externalities, but because of challenges we face on the inside of which most people are rarely, if ever, aware.

Take play, for example. Play is any form of recreation, whether mental or physical. The difference between play and work is all about attitude (and perhaps getting paid for it). It's possible to play while doing anything. For some, shoveling snow is play. For some, reading is play. For some, work is play, and I'm not just talking about athletes and rock stars.

Conversely, walking, let alone running, is work for some people. Talking with friends or attractive strangers can be nerve racking for some - definitely not leisure play.

The point is that whatever's inside determines our reality more than physical reality itself. If you're starving to death (and not the kind that happens to teens every evening before dinner), that physical reality could present a more significant challenge than the existential question of which jeans look best on you, but if you're reading this post on the internet, I'm betting that doesn't apply to you.

Anyway, because of the emergence of angst in Western civilization over the past several decades (which has grown due to higher expectations and removal of many of the cures for angst like physical labor and more immediate physical needs to focus on), the self help industry has boomed. Billions of dollars are spent annually on books, tapes, seminars, mugs, and desk calendars designed to enlighten the angst out of you.

Many people spend a week at a spiritual retreat and hope to be cured. They have a breakthrough, an epiphany, learn to shift, release, levitate or bend spoons, and expect life to stop being so hard. Their shrink may even declare them cured, and yes, things are definitely better, some days, but if they really think about it, they may notice that they're still not quite happy. They're still not optimized. They still have to work for money, their knees still bother them, and they still don't love everyone everywhere always.

Anyway, I just wanted to make this one simple point to help you set your expectations if you're into self improvement and want to know how to recognize when you have "arrived." Here it is: You're not "there" until you forget you ever weren't.

Here's what that means: if you used to feel nervous around authority figures but now you're cured and YOU are the authority figure; and no matter what your boss thinks, YOU are the one in control; and when the teacher or police officer or salesperson looks at you, you stand up a little straighter and feel your inner power; well, then I'm sorry to tell you, but you are not "there" yet.

If you used to be discouraged and wake up each morning with a nagging feeling of hopelessness that stayed with you all day, but now you brush all those feelings away with an affirmation and an inner knowing that you're okay, that everything's okay, and that you are happy, dammit; then you are still not "there."

You may be a heck of a lot closer, but you're not all the way, deep down, completely "cured" until you barely remember how it felt to be intimidated or depressed or whatever your brand of inner challenge you experienced.

I'm not saying all this to lessen your achievements in self improvement. I'm not telling you that (as Jack Handey says) "If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, then I'm sorry, but that's another weakness." I'm just saying not to expect bliss for going 99% of the distance, and that if you really want to live life to the fullest, then keep going till you're done.

Now HOW to get that last %, that's a very tricky problem for most people. But it can be done. Using the "old" ways, it can take decades, if you're lucky. I recommend quantum leaps instead. Why "work through" a problem when you can jump straight to the finish line?

The process of taking quantum leaps is incredibly simple, but I don't know how easy it is to accomplish without some background, so...I'll write more posts later and see if you can make this work for you.

Everything in its Place

"Compartmentalizing" is a skill that helps simplify your life. It is also to blame for screwing up a lot of important things on our planet.

For example, let's say you work as an executioner. When you come home to the wife and kiddies, you probably don't want to talk about work.

"How was work, honey?"

"Pretty good. The first guy whimpered a lot, and you know I hate wimps, so I was glad to bring down the axe on his neck."

Or imagine you work in a cubicle surrounded by ambitionless geeks and vulture-like managers while angry customers demand that you read their minds and fix all their problems. You probably don't even want to THINK about work any more than absolutely necessary.

In such cases, it's useful to leave work at the dungeon. The instant you step outside, you step into a new compartment where work does not exist, and this makes the rest of your life tolerable.

On the other hand, many businessmen, for example, compartmentalize their morals when it comes to making money. They'd never steal candy from a baby, but if they can decline a widow's valid insurance claim, it'll look good at their annual performance review. If an attorney can overcharge a client, that's more cash in the coffers and a better chance s/he'll make partner.

Such people go to church under the illusion that they are decent people. "Business is business," they say, as if real life were just a harmless game of Monopoly. They would never rob a bank, but underreporting tips is okay because diners in this town are lousy tippers anyway. They would never shoplift, but enjoy pirated music and software without a second thought. "Everybody's doing it." God will surely understand.

Well, in a conversation the other night, I realized something about myself: I don't compartmentalize well. The means and the end are inseparably connected in my mind. My focus can change, but I don't really have separate work and play modes. Life is life. People are people. I am me.

This is good and bad.

Bad because if something is bugging me, I have to take care of it. I can turn my focus away somewhat, but it's still there.

Bad because it limits the occupations I am willing to have. I can't tell myself "It's just work," and slave away, turning off my feelings and the part of my brain shouting what a pointless job it is until 5:00.

Good because the satisfaction of enjoying my work carries over into the rest of my life as well, and vice versa. I step back, look at the big picture, and it can look pretty darn good when everything falls into place.

Good because this forces me to improve all aspects of my life. If I'm not yet satisfied, then I figure out how to change things until I am.

Good because it helps me connect more fully with people. It means you're not just getting one side of me, and I probably won't blindside you with someone different when we meet elsewhere.

In the end, I'm willing to suffer if it means I'll enjoy more. Good thing, because I don't think I could change if I wanted to.