10th Time Lucky?

Today I decided to believe in love again.

I hope this doesn't sound too cheesy but I realize that it has been at least several years since I quit believing. It wasn't a conscious choice, but an unconscious reaction to too many crashes and burns. I never would have chosen to give up, which may be why the subconscious took over. It didn't like all those painful experiences and shut some things down to prevent me from finding another one.

Some of my failures came from not trying hard enough, not giving things a chance, and letting them get away too easily. Others came from risking too much as I tried to learn a lesson from the earlier failures, and maybe I overcorrected, opened up more than an undeveloped relationship deserved, which made the flaming wreckage at the end even harder to take.

I imagine a car swerving down the highway, trying to correct course but spinning further out of control until it hits an embankment and rolls over into the river. Years later, the car is dragged from the river and gets ready for another drive.

Anyway, I'd like to put all that behind me and do it right this time. I'd like to think I'm a bit wiser now and that something great will work out at last. It seems like that's how things begin - they just begin. As long as I'm out there, I should run into someone compatible. If that hasn't happened for too long, maybe it's because I wasn't really out there but just going through the motions.

I have no idea how or when or where or who. I'll just get out there and keep my eyes open and hope for the best.